Putin Missed the Pudding
By R. D. Flavin


The current President of Russia, Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin.

     First he takes Crimea, then Eastern Ukraine, and now I hear he's got his sights on Passaic, New Jersey. Dude needs to cut back on his caffeine intake in the worst way... Putin left the Group of Twenty (G20) Summit a tad early because he was disappointed that the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (Opec) won't cut or slow their production and end the recent slide in oil prices. OPEC doesn't care that Russia depends on petro-dollars to make up 45 percent of its budget revenues. The Prime Minister of Australia, Anthony John "Tony" Abbott, served Steamed Sticky Date Pudding with Butterscotch Sauce for dessert, but I've a hunch Putin isn't much on sweets.

Choe Ryong Hae and Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov.

     Now, Russia has been doing some hosting of its own as they've recently welcomed North Korean special envoy Choe Ryong Hae for continuing nuclear talks... STOP LAUGHING! Whether the talks were pro or anti is anyone's guess. It's just a sideshow to distract from the recent (and somewhat regular) U.N. resolution to bring North Korea before the International Criminal Court for alleged crimes against humanity. However, nothing works the funny-bone better than ex-basketball great, Dennis Rodman, taking personal credit for the recent release of Kenneth Bae and Matthew Todd Miller. Apparently Rodman tweeted Kim Jong Un and then followed up with a letter asking “... for your mercy to prisoner Kenneth Bae and would be eternally grateful for his safe return and make a big step towards bridging the gap between our two nations." Of course, Madonna had no comment...

Supreme Leader of Best Korea, Kim Jong-un, and Dennis Rodman.

     Vlad has threatened Poland, inspired the Balken states to check their underwear often as there have been reports that some are soiling themselves from fear, and though NATO has huffed with a puff, France is quiet, yet the bold Angela Merkel, the current German Chancellor has commented: "Who would've thought that 25 years after the fall of the wall, after the end of the Cold War, after the end of the division of Europe and the end of the world being divided in two, something like that can happen at the heart of Europe?" So, what's Putin's end-game? A reborn Soviet Union?

German Chancellor Angela Merkel calling out Russian President Vladimir Putin.

     Launched early last year, a Russian 'satellite' has recently begun to behave oddly. Known as Object 2014-28E (aka Kosmos 2499 and NORAD 39765) is now thought to be an experimental satellite killer or disrupter. I guess the Chinese were doing the same thing last year, which means the US probably has had a secret “satellite killer” in orbit for several years now. Between Eastern Ukraine and Object 2014-28E, I almost miss the Russian anti-homosexual agenda and the Pussy Riot fiasco. Almost...

     Okay, so Putin worked with the KGB for 16 years before the break-up of the Soviet Union and then entered politics. His manly-man image has been immortalized by countless photographs of him shirtless, killing animals, and I believe (though not positive) a pic of him kissing a big fish. Putin was divorced in April of this year and has a couple of daughters out there somewhere. Apparently family photographs are all but non-existent. Rumors that he sleeps with an AK-47 under his bed-covers have never been substantiated. Also, it's not known if he owns one of those mini-giraffes. He probably does.

     While the Media has concentrated mainly on Crimea and Eastern Ukraine, Russian expansionism has involved sending planes over Finland, Lithuania,and Estonia, as well as a “practice” bombing run over Stockholm earlier this year. Swedish Supreme Commander Sverker Goranson has confirmed “clear evidence” of Russian submarines illegally in Swedish waters. Okay, that's Russia stirring up trouble on its eastern borders. What about the West?

Russian flag under the North Pole in 2007.

     Some have claimed that the Aortic region may contain up to 30 percent of global gas reserves and 13 percent of undiscovered oil. Russia, Denmark, and Canada are all arguing claims. However, Russia is restoring military bases in the region and appears poised to take on Canada. Really? If Russia makes a single aggressive move against Canada I'm writing a letter to Santa immediately. They planted a flag under the North Pole (see above)? I wonder if this means the US owns the Moon?

     At 5'7” and 170 lbs., Putin seems like a little guy (with a couple of belts in the martial arts). I'd put my money on a serious Napoleon complex. But, the Russian military is not to be casually messed with. A lot of cyber-crime, porn, and gangsters hail from Putin's Russia. However things turn out with Putin, we may all rest assured it won't be boring.

he should have had the pudding,

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